6 Ways to Manage Disagreements

Lately it's been on my heart to share why I believe important, controversial, and difficult conversations turn south...i.e. bad. As a missionary, I had many difficult conversations with people. Many people in society openly disagree with many of my beliefs as a young, Catholic Christian, married woman.  I honestly welcome the conversations because it creates beautiful dialogue with a variety of people. I learned and continue to learn so much about other belief systems, and in turn makes me feel as if I am becoming more educated on many topics.

Unfortunately, there are people who are not open to dialogue, which is a shame. I see a lot of controversy on Facebook. For example, one of my "friends" posted her opinion on a topic and stated that if you do not agree, then unfriend her now, so it saves her the time of doing it herself. UGH. Disagreements and different opinions are so refreshing and can bring such life into important topics! Please be open to dialogue and here are some tips and techniques that I've found useful:

1.  What do you want out of the conversation? 

• What do you want for yourself? 
• What do you want for others? 
• What do you want for your relationship? 

If you simply want to "win" the conversation, then you're approaching the conversation with the wrong attitude. What's the greater good that you want to shine forth?

2. Be Charitable

• Charity is an act of love and a theological virtue.
• Approach every conversation out of love and wanting good for the other person.
• "the friendship of man for God." St. Thomas Aquinas

The Catechism describes charity perfectly:

1825 Christ died out of love for us, while we were still "enemies."¹⁰⁰ The Lord asks us to love as he does, even our enemies, to make ourselves the neighbor of those farthest away, and to love children and the poor as Christ himself.¹⁰¹

The Apostle Paul has given an incomparable depiction of charity: "charity is patient and kind, charity is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Charity does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Charity bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."¹⁰²

3. Listen

• Provide a safe environment.
• Don't cut the other person off.
• Watch not only your body language, but theirs too.

Listening is very crucial. By listening, you're allowing the other person to share their ideas. If an idea stops, then ask a question! Get the other person talking to fully understand where they're coming from.

4. Know the topic of conversation.

• Have facts and be prepared to relay truth.

Everyone wants truth and we all desire to find it. Why do you believe that your point of view is truth? If you can't answer that question, then you need to be fully open to discovering why you believe what you believe.

5. Don't get angry.

• You can only control yourself....don't allow yourself to succumb to anger.
• Anger does not come from a good place.

Once you show that you're angry, the conversation will become heated. When you're heated, it's more difficult for the other person to want to listen or respect you.

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." Ambrose Bierce

6. Reach a conclusion.

• What is the result of the conversation?
• Does another meeting need to happen?

Come to a conclusion that you're both happy about. Relay that you enjoyed the conversation and would be open to having more. If you need to, go home and do more research!

I am not perfect at difficult conversations, but every time I remember these 6 steps, I handle the conversation well. A lot of these steps come from a book I had to read as a missionary called "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking when Stakes are High." If this is something you struggle with, I highly recommend this book or taking this quiz: www.CrucialConversations.com/sus 

Let me know how your conversations go!

-Anna

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Advent: A Season of Preparation...and how to Celebrate!

Growing up I associated Christmas with what most children do....Santa, presents, yummy food, and Jesus. My parents did an awesome job at explaining that Christmas was Jesus' birth, but we never had Advent calendars, celebrated feast days, and I never knew that Advent was considered "mini Lent" until a couple of years ago.

Advent, just like Lent, is a time of preparation and getting excited for the coming of our Lord! It's a time to fast, pray, and grow closer to God. I've always loved Lent and so last Advent I committed myself to growing closer to Jesus during that time and absolutely enjoyed it. In this post, I want to share some of my favorite ideas to help celebrate and prepare for the birth of Jesus this Advent.

Advent Calendar
This is such a cool way to celebrate every single day. Write Bible verses on each card, write fun things to do on each one that show an act of service or humility, write the names of your loved ones and offer up that day for them...the possibilities are endless! Here are some crafty ideas on how to make one:

Advent Wreath
Growing up, we did have an Advent wreath, but I never understood the meaning of the candles until I was older. What I've always loved about the Catholic faith is the deep meaning and tradition of everything. Everything we do has such a beautiful story! If you don't know the meaning, this picture is awesome! I encourage everyone to create their own Advent wreath for your home!

Acts of Service
This can be incorporated into your Advent Calendar, but I know I've been slacking in giving back to the community. As a missionary, my life was consumed by service, but now I'm finding it more difficult and I'm more selfish with my weekends and evenings. Check out your local food banks, soup lines, donation sites, hospitals, nursing homes, Convents, and other areas who could use a helping hand this Advent season!

Make a Nativity Scene

Get crafty and make a nativity scene. While you're at it, only include parts of it as your read through your scripture verses (in your Advent Calendar)! 

Celebrate Day by Day

This can also be included on your Advent Calendar, but here are some fun dates to look forward to during Advent:

• December 1-24th: Start a Christmas Count-down candle
• Buy one here or make your own!
• December 8th: The Immaculate Conception
• Mary is given the gift of Jesus and is freed from the effects of Original Sin!
• On this day, honor your mother and what a gift she's been to you!
• For the last couple of years I've also made it a point to wear blue. :)
• December 12th: Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe 
• Patronnes of the Americas! Go to midnight Mass and participate in the celebration! Many churches have a play in which children act out the meeting between Juan Diego and Mary, plus free food, and watch the Guadalupanas perform!
• December 13th: Feast day of St. Lucy
• Her name means light. To celebrate, have a night in and only use candles. In Sweden, girls dress in white gowns with red sashes and adorn crowns with 7-9 burning candles. So cool!
• December 16th: Start the Novena of the Holy Child 

• When does Advent start?
• November 30th!!! 
• Traditionally it falls on the closest Sunday to St. Andrew the Apostle who's Feast day is November 30th, so this year it falls on it.

I'm sure that I forgot some dates or fun traditions, but Advent is a beautiful time to reflect, pray, and await our Lord! Join with me in getting excited for such a beautiful time of year. What will you be doing this Advent?

In Jesus, Anna

UPDATE: Here's our Advent Calendar!

 The frame was something I found at a Thrift store for $7. We used it at our wedding and it was the perfect thing to hang the gift tags I found at Target ($1 for 6 in the dollar section). Each day I included a daily Scripture reading, Feast day (if there was one), prayer(s), or a challenge for us to complete that day! It was so fun to make and I hope it inspires you to make your own. :)

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What it Means to be Human: A Catholic Response to Brittany Maynard

Today I am choosing to write about a controversial topic. I don’t often do this and I’m asking that you keep an open mind. 

Many of you have heard about Brittany Maynard who has a brain tumor and is choosing to end her life on November 1st by taking medication provided under Oregon’s death for dignity law. If you have not, please read her story. 

 I have no idea what kind-of pain Brittany is in right now. To know that she is dying at 29 is tragic, but with that being said, I do not agree with her decision. Many are saying that she is brave and honorable for taking control of her life. They are saying she’s kind and thoughtful for not putting her friends and family through the sadness of watching her die a slow and painful death. While all of this is very sad, I’d like to share a story of pain and suffering, but one also of immense joy. 

Blessed Chiara Badano died at age 19 after a two year battle with osteogenic sarconma, one of the most painful forms of bone cancer. When the doctors would go to treat her cancer, she would refuse any medicine to dull the pain. She welcomed the suffering and wanted to be fully aware of the pain because it brought her closer to Jesus’ suffering. Through difficult times, she would focus on the foresaken Christ.“It’s for you, Jesus; if you want it, I want it, too." When her hair fell out she’d say,“For you, Jesus." When she could no longer walk,“If I had to choose between walking again and going to heaven, I wouldn’t hesitate. I would choose heaven." When she was dying,“Don’t shed any tears for me. I’m going to Jesus. At my funeral, I don’t want people crying, but singing with all their hearts." For her funeral she wanted it to be her wedding:“When you’re getting me ready, Mum, you have to keep saying to yourself, ‘Chiara Luce is now seeing Jesus.’’ Friends and doctors of Chiara write of the joy she gave the world. They say she never stopped smiling through all the pain. 

The media is saying Brittany is brave, but I think she is a coward. True bravery is facing your problems, difficulties, and tragedies with joy, like Chiara. Joy that can only be found in Jesus Himself. I know that many non Christians and many Christians will disagree because it is difficult for our human nature to understand suffering and pain....and therefore, even accept it. Some say: “Why would Jesus want us to suffer?” He doesn’t, but He allows it to happen for us to achieve a greater union with Him.  ^"Then Jesus told his disciples, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.  For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it." Matthew 16:24-25 To be human is to experience suffering.

The word human is not a noun. It’s actually an adjective and this is a huge misunderstanding people have. As an adjective, it describes something. 

Some descriptions of a human could be: 

• happy
• sad
• suffering
• joyful

These descriptions are what MAKES us human. As a human, we are made up of these emotions, but it is how we handle these emotions that truly define who we are. If we refuse to accept suffering, we are always looking for the “quick fix” to take it away. By Brittany not embracing the human struggle, she is choosing not to be human anymore...through death. “What will make me happy now?” It’s a huge problem in our culture. True happiness is holiness...it’s not rooted in our emotions or feelings. Choose joy. Choose the light. 

Please join me in prayer for Brittany in her family. I know in her heart she believes she is making the right decision, but pray she rises above the temptation of an easy way out. I pray she joyfully accepts her suffering and pain for a greater good. Blessed Chiara Badano, join us in prayer and guide our prayers to our Lord. Amen.

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13 Books that Changed My Life

Reading is something I really enjoy. My mom has always said that she's worldly not because of how many places she's traveled, but by the type of books she's read. I have always loved this about my mom. I know that I can't afford to travel the world, but I can afford to buy books (many of these you can find at thrift stores for $1-$3).

Too many blogs/critics choice columns are recommending books that I have frankly really disliked. When I read, I want the book to be unique, funny, and one that makes me want to be a better person. I have decided to compose my very own list! Take it or leave it, but I love these books. I've left off many classics because I feel as if they are obviously good (To Kill a Mockingbird, The Great Gatsby, Farenheight 451, Wuthering Heights, etc), so definitely read them.

My Top Books (in no particular order):

1. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
2. The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
3. The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver
4. The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch
5. The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
6. The Time Keeper by Mitch Albom
7. I Believe in Love by Jean C. J. d'Elbee
8. Rome Sweet Home by Scott and Kimberly Hahn
9. The Help by Kathryn Stockett
10. Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
11. The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
12. The Giver by Laurel Leaf
13. The Bridges of Madison County by Robert James Walker

All of these books hold a special place in my heart and you honestly can't go wrong with any of them. I've re-read them many times and have learned many life lessons. One of the best pieces of advice I've ever been given is to always be reading. Always read something for pure enjoyment. It may be tough because you're in college or have children, but there is so much joy to be found in doing something to better yourself. 

Let me know what you think,

Anna

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Seeking Affirmation

Now that I'm married I have received these three questions the most:

1. Are you going to get a puppy?
2. Are you pregnant?
3. Have you gotten your wedding pictures back yet?

The answers to these questions are:

1. Absolutely not.
2. Nope.
3. Yes!

I kind-of find all three of these questions funny, but in particular the last one. It's just not a question I was expecting. Everyone's follow-up question has been: "When are you going to post them on....(fill in the blank with any social media site)?!" The more people kept asking me, the more anxious I became. To be honest, I have been guilty of stalking people's wedding photos...some of which I don't even know (i.e. Pinterest)! I found myself getting excited to hear how perfect everything was, how beautiful I looked, and how I totally nailed my theme of vintage elegance. Ha. 

Everyone seeks affirmation, but are we in the right way? Why has the selfie become so popular? Why do people feel the need to take a picture of themselves and post it on social media? AFFIRMATION. We want to be told how awesome our hair, outfit, face, or whatever looks....constantly. We have to let the whole world know that we think we look good, but we want someone to say, "yes, I agree." WHY?! Why has our world turned our way of thinking that our worth is determined by other people's opinions? 

This is something I really struggle with. I refuse to post a selfie (although, I think I'm guilty of 2); however, I still seek affirmation through social media. I was so shallowly telling my friend that it hurt my feelings that I'm never in anyone's profile picture or that no one ever comments on my pictures, but just "likes" them. Lame, I know, but it's true! Why would I ever let my feelings of self-esteem be rooted in something as dumb as Facebook?!

Humility is something that I personally have to work on, so I am choosing to not post my wedding pictures. I know my wedding was beautiful. It is a Sacrament, so duh...it was gorgeous. I know I looked good because my husband told me and I loved my wedding dress, so who cares what you think?! I am choosing to be confident and happy without receiving affirmation. 

We live in a world where we're not seeking affirmation from above....from God. My prayer is to be little and small. For the world to forget about me, so that my relationship with Jesus will only be stronger (I'm failing, but trying). I'm simply writing this because I know that I'm not the only one who thinks this way (even though the evil one wants me to). If seeking affirmation is something that you struggle with, please repost this IF you think it will help someone, if not, then don't. :)

*Note: All affirmation isn't bad...some you truly deserve! I'm simply saying that I tend to seek affirmation in the wrong way and I want to share my journey.

Love in Jesus through Mary,
Anna Timberlake! :) 

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New Life

First off, Happy Easter! Hooray! Jesus is Risen! Here is a little something I wrote on Good Friday about Lent...

Lent is quite possibly one of my favorite times of the year. It is so beautiful because we spend 40 days deeply uniting ourselves to Jesus Christ! Too often I only come to the Cross when I'm nailing Jesus to it, but this Lent it was my personal goal to come to the Cross daily in some sort of sacrifice. Not because I had to, but because I deeply wanted to. 

Jesus gave His life for us. What an amazing gift that I know I can never top. As a missionary I hear A LOT of things on campus. Many people see Jesus' sacrifice as irrelevant, unimportant, or stupid. Many people think giving up something for Lent or not eating meat on Friday is pointless. I've even heard, "Well, it's not like I'm going to hell for eating meat on Friday." If you're wondering, yes, that statement is true, but that's also not what Lent is about. Lent is about wanting and desiring to become more like Jesus. To unite ourselves in His suffering to more fully understand the beauty of His sacrifice and to have new life in Him.

By Jesus' sacrifice on the Cross, we may have eternal Salvation....a new life with Jesus Christ! My life is so blessed and in many ways I feel spoiled! Here are some of my Lenten blessings:

Maggie has been such a blessing with wedding stuff! She helped me make all of my wedding invitations! Love her!

Stephanie and I on campus!

We handed out Easter eggs with candy and information on Easter festivities!

I had a wedding shower in OK and NE!

Newman threw James and I a surprise wedding shower!

So blessed.

I've grown closer to this pretty lady... Annie brings me so much joy!

A baseball game with the team.

Prepping for the mega Bible study I led on our Mom, Mary. :)

Students at Newman!

James and I on Easter Sunday.

Newman has also gained over 5 new Student Missionaries this Lent! So amazing.

Easter brings new life and boy, do I feel like there's a lot of new things happening in mine. James and I will start our new life together on May 31st, only 43 days away! We also just found a place to live and I accepted a K-5 PE teaching job! So many changes this Lent (see what I mean about getting spoiled?!).

I pray you have the most grace filled Easter, Anna

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Praying over Pinning

I'm a huge fan of Pinterest...especially now that I'm engaged. I gave up Facebook on my phone for Lent, so naturally I use Pinterest more now (sorry God...I know this defeats the purpose). Anyway, as much as I pin, I find it difficult not to pin for the future and in so many cases keep reality in check. I could pin the "How to cook a 10 course meal," but lets be real people, I will NEVER do that, yet, I pin it anyway.

So when does "pinning" go too far? When can what we pin on Pinterest cause us to loose our grasp on reality?  Are we too busy pinning for babies we don't have, parties that don't yet exist, weddings without relationships, dream houses when we can't afford lunch, the perfect date...without the mate, or the perfect beach waves when we rock a pixie cut?!

I creeped on some of my friends Pinterest boards to see what I could find and here are some of the goods. Disclaimer: I love all these people. I also pin absurd things and have weird boards, I'm just trying to shed light and make it light.

I know for a fact that this friend is not pregnant...or even married; yet, 158 pins are dedicated to sweet little babies.

This made me literally laugh out loud...wedding with a question mark (417 pins).

This is great. Don't workout to feel better or stronger, but so you get hot and for the approval of others. Yep, good job Pinterest.

I covered emotional chastity in Bible study and how pinning for our future weddings can really mess with our heart. This is one of my Bible study girl's boards. ;) ha...I love you!

Oh my indeed! That's one sultry man.... and cute kitten.

I'm the proud pinner of this pin. Don't ask me why I was looking at house plans...James and I can barely afford an apartment.

Here's another great "fitness" board...gettin' skinny. 

Why are we as women so obsessed with our future everything? Our future house, job, husband, baby, outfit, or date? I spend a lot of time on Pinterest and sadly, I've realized it. 

Here are some of my more recent pins:

God knows the overarching plan for us. He's already created our "boards" and gives us the "pins" we need.  We don't have to do it. He will provide the perfect man (if that's your vocation), he will give you the most beautiful babies you could ever hope for, He will give you a life full of love and joy, and He will honor you by you honoring Him.

I never pinned a single wedding pin until James and I started shopping for an engagement ring. I knew that my heart couldn't handle it and I wanted to remain fully open to Him. Sometimes we think we'll marry the cute hipster, but end up with the cute/goofy bodybuilder. 

Example: What I thought he'd look like and my happy reality. God is too good to me.

Alter your life to mirror God's life. I challenge you to set aside your plans and instead of pinning or planning, pray. Spend that time with God.

Happy praying, Anna.

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